Don't Worry, It Sucks For Everybody (Part 2)

In part 2 of DWISFE, I'm going to take a look at one of mother earth's most perplexing creatures, the straight female, and examine how this often maligned creature doesn't have things as easy as bitter, bitter men on the internet would have you believe.


Girls what don't like the vaginas

I believe a lot of straight men balk at the idea at women having difficulties in relationship. A lot of guys base their models of relationship dynamics from visits to bars, where its a pretty common site to see an attractive woman in a bar swamped with a small collection of grown men, sniffling and pushing for more scraps of attention like a puppy pile, except for instead of puppies they are 30-something dudes with hoodies and beer breath.

Sexually available straight women are often surrounded by this, except there is a layer of quiet desperation and ball caps.

Chicks got it -made-, your hetero bro says, as he raises his tall boy above his chest. But he should put down that tall boy for a goddamn second and give it some actual thought.

I believe its true that straight women have an easier time initiating a sexual relationship with a man than men have initiating a sexual relationship with a woman. But initiating a relationship isn't everything. Once the sexual relationship has been started, women lose a lot of the potent social power that they had in the arrangement, excepting the fact that the woman would have an easier time finding a replacement sexual partner.

Furthermore, the power differential possessed by women in initiating sexual relationships is magnified in situations where both partners have low erotic capital. While I'd think that such power is appreciated by some women in the situation, the situation itself is rarely packed full of fun, considering that men of low erotic capital is where one is more likely to find abusive, flaky or otherwise unpleasant people, who don't make flirting into a fun, enlivening, 'dinosaurs on ice' adventure but rather will spend a couple hours staring at a woman's tits talking about why their trucks are so bad ass.

The power differential is much less magnified when both parties have reasonable or high erotic capital, as such people tend to have alternative limiting mechanisms on their dating lives than finding willing bodies (Such as how to schedule several lingerie kitty parties on the same weekend) and such limits are more evenly divided amongst the sexes. In addition, men who have high erotic capital have very straightforward means of using it (Have sexy parties and have fun, hooray!) as opposed to women (Have sexy parties and than everyone calls you a slut, hooray!) creating something of a glass ceiling for the erotic capital of women.

Which leads into my next point. For men, socially, courtship can seem like a game, with a goal (sleeping with a woman) that has reliable, external rewards (higher social status for being sexually active.) For women, there are more social punishments than rewards, courtship is more like a mine field filled with jerky dudes and disapproving looks from your mother that is tolerated for the purpose of reaching those wonderful orgasms and tubular life mates.

Part of the reason that there is a higher ratio of men seeking sexual relationships as opposed to women is that women have more reasons to feel unsafe doing so, ranging from cultural teachings (men are terrible bear monsters they'll tear you with their fangs only talk to the one you'll marry) to awareness of sexual violence. There are many women who would like to engage in more courtship, but don't feel they have a safe space for doing so. All things considered, I think most people would prefer to feel lonely than unsafe.

If you're a straight guy reading this, I hope you take a moment to reflect on these challenges before writing unflattering comments about the sexual proclivities of your vagined friends on the men's bathroom wall. Why not just draw a rainbow that's being ridden by a viking? That's something that would make everyone feel good.